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Out of the Mud
by the fARM
"We're Gonna Turn the U.S. of A. into a BIIIIIIG MUD PIT!!!!"
By Patrick Russell
The Democrats are like a bunch of ninnies who are out playing ball in their Sunday-Go-To-Church suits and are afraid to get mud on the cuffs! The Republicans may be a load of goose-stepping social-control freaks, but at least they don't mind getting a little dirty when they play the game.
Serpent's Teeth
By Steve Spaulding
There were fifteen of them in three rows of five. They seemed to be plants or large fruits with their pale, almost golden skins. They varied in height from only a foot or so to three, four feet. The dirt still clinging in parts and places to them seemed evidence of sudden, rapid growth.
Kitchen Essentials
By Eric Murken
The cooks who accomplish much with only a few utensils will always tower over their well-accessorized associates.
Muckraking: A Rock Review of The Perfect Teeth
By Perfect Teeth
After noticing a sign for a dentist's office bearing the caption "Perfect Teeth", Heather honestly thought to herself, "That's a great name for a rock band."
High Lonely: The Bones of Mining in the Mountains Above Leadville, Colorado
Photos by Joe Martinez
I must admit a lust for places that have been abandoned.
Twinkling Green Eyes
By Monica Schrager
"Dirt has played a large part in most of my life," said the old woman with the yellow scarf around her head.
The Peanut Butter Murder Mystery
By Henry Kastler
"So, anyway, at the end of the story, the guy eats his peanut butter sandwich, drinks his microwaved coffee, and goes back to sleep."
Scents and Sensibility
By Denise Pace
If I could invent my own perfume, it would be a blend of celery and dirt.
Italian White Wines Other than Pinot Grigio
By Al Dereu
Pinot Grigio best serves as a "gateway wine," opening the door to other—and in my humble opinion, more interesting—white wines from Italy.
Celebrity Boxing: George Lucas vs. Osama bin Laden
By Matt McCarthy
The following is the transcript of a boxing match that almost could have taken place. Ringside with our announcers for tonight's fight, Donald Rumsfeld and C-3PO.
Take a Closer Look
Photos by Joe Martinez
Looking at the world through the lens of a camera can bring the mundane things that we step on every day into clearer focus.
Male Bag
By Christina O'Brien
Kevin's birthday was Groundhog Day. I don't know why I remember that day, and not the day he killed himself.
Andy's Fucku
By Andy Ellenbaum
The poet insisted that this poem is a "fucku" and not a haiku, and he refused to allow the editor to fuck with his vision.

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