What’s Next?

What’s next? Who knows.

The right choice should have presented itself by now. In the past, jobs I didn’t think I wanted dropped into my lap. I would decide to “try it for a while” while I continued looking for what I really wanted. Eventually, I would realize that what I was doing was actually the right job at the right time and I would put all my energy into it and I would be happy.

I guess I was spoiled.

Now, nothing is dropping into my lap. In fact, everything is too elusive to even chase. It’s humbling. And despite what everyone says, I can’t help thinking that I made a terrible mistake when I left my job. Intellectual knowledge of what probably would have happened if I had stayed helps a little bit, but only intellectually. Emotionally, I feel terrible. I jumped off the tracks. I abandoned my path. It seems I should be able to start a new path, but it’s much more difficult than I expected.

It’s too late now.

I always had trouble explaining my job to people, so it’s not surprising that my professional experience doesn’t seem to fit any job posting perfectly. I try to highlight the ways that I do fit when I apply for positions, but who knows if anyone even reads the explanations. My experience touched on multiple areas, so I do find jobs that I think I would be good at. Unfortunately, I haven’t been given a chance to convince anyone else yet.

It’s depressing.

I’m studying accounting to make it more likely that I will have skills that match what employers are specifically looking for. It’s a start, but it takes time. At least I’m done with my prerequisites now. Maybe I’ll start applying for those kinds of positions to see what happens...

I also have an insurance license. I’m calling employers trying to convince them to allow the company to offer our products to their employees. Most of the time, I don’t get through. When I do, no one is happy to hear from me. I may feel better about this if I ever manage to get an appointment to explain our offerings in person. I may not. I’m not confident that I’ll ever be good at sales. Maybe that’s the problem.

Who knows?

I’m still not out of money yet, but I will be soon. I’m going to need to do something. Soon I will be applying at restaurants and grocery stores. It’s been a long time since I waited tables for my primary income. Maybe even too long. Why would they want to hire me now? I’m not young anymore. I’m sure they’ll worry that I will leave at the first opportunity.

I feel like I’ve done everything I can, but clearly, I haven’t done enough.

So what’s next?

I don’t know.

Hopefully I’ll find out soon.

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