The Antithesis of Profound
I’ve known the internet a long time. I consider it a good friend, a mutual friend I share with every netizen on earth. Like a friend it can inform, entertain, stimulate, influence, or divert. It is superior to a friend in one regard: It can waste more time than any friend possibly could. The internet never sleeps, living everywhere to disseminate bank statements, news, music, pornography, and pure crap. I am focusing on the “pure crap” portion of the internet here. I guarantee that nothing discussed in this piece has any value at all beyond laughter or befuddlement. These sites are a far cry from, say antiwar.com, but humans live not by news alone.
I must credit/blame my daughter for introducing me to eBaum’s World. It is one of a myriad of clip sites on the internet specializing in things to make you chuckle. Is the content profound? No, it is in fact the very antithesis of profound, and that is the beauty of the site. I bet you’ve gone to a site like this, following a link sent by one of your slacker friends. Once there you may have been intimidated by the sheer volume of video clips, flash animation, and photos. I am intimidated no more, because, through the filter of my 12-year-old’s dubious sense of humor, I bring you some of the true gems I’ve been forced to watch. All of these have been hyped with this favorite line: “Oooh Dad, no wait, you have to watch this one!” Some of this stuff makes me laugh, but some of it is downright stupid.
Hippo Noodles: This one is so stupid that it makes me question my daughter’s sanity, but I’ve been forced to watch it about four times now. I’m watching it a fifth time to inspire me to new literary heights. We actually forced our site’s host to watch this, and he was struck dumb by the sheer silliness of this particular clip.
Farting Cat: What more can I say?
The Evil Strawberry: Watch an abusive strawberry taunt a small child.
It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time!: An homage to this one appeared on a recent episode of “Family Guy”, with Brian the dog reprising the role of the banana.
Numa Numa: Fat doofus sings in front of his web cam. This poor man will live in infamy.
Burger King Christmas Carol: A retarded guy with a speech impediment sings a song about Whoppers. While somewhat cruel it will make you laugh.
Laser Fart: A man fights the forces of evil with lasers he shoots from his ass.
Roller Nut Crush: I’ll end this with everyone’s favorite, a man injuring his testicles.
I could go on and on, but I’m guessing that you can poke around some more and find your own gems.
Copyright 2006, Joe Martinez
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