From the Publisher
Bum Rush the Bitch
In the Summer 2004 issue, I wrote a piece called “Selected Televised Ass Kickings”. The gist of it was that progressives in this country need to strike more fear into conservatives. Now, I’m not talking about anybody getting seriously hurt or maimed, maybe just punched in the face. Progressives have to stop being so damn passive. I’m a pacifist myself. I will do what I can to avoid a fight but if you push me, if you take a swing at me, I will beat you down.
Conservative attack dogs say what they say because they do not fear reprisals. They think they’re beating up on patsies that won’t fight back. Progressives in this country need to fight back more fiercely. As in any argument, that fight should start civil and well reasoned but if you want to push it? I will go further. Think of a line with “civil discussion” on one end and “ass kicking” on the other. If you want to take it there, I will go there.
First-term Republican Representative Jean Schmidt of Ohio went there a few weeks ago when she implied that John Murtha, honored Vietnam veteran and Democratic representative from Pennsylvania, was a coward for calling for troop withdrawal from Iraq.
This 37- year veteran of the Marine Corps was called a coward by a first-term Rep from Ohio. What do you think would have happened if Jean Schmidt were a man and called John Murtha a coward to his face? Or what do you think would have happened if Murtha was a 37- year female veteran of the military and Jean Schmidt called her a coward to her face? I didn’t think it was right for me to talk about women hitting each other in the face, so I turned to someone who I knew would have no problem with the issue: my sweet and beautiful wife Heather.
Ah, yes. Violence. Whether it comes in the form of war or corporal punishment, it is not my choice of first response. But can we agree that sometimes a strong hand is necessary, maybe even justified? One thing I know for sure: nobody likes a smart mouth. Mind you, not every slight or disrespect should be met with brute force, but you can tell by someone’s manner and tone that they are utterly confident that their words will garner no retribution. You can tell by their bravado that they have never been on the receiving end of “the old one-two” for a verbal offense. It’s an important lesson in life: Not everyone will take your crap, and some people will pop you for it, so be mindful of your speech.
That being said, I am sick and tired of the Jean Schmidts (R-OH), the Ann Coulters, and their ilk shooting off their overly-lipsticked mouths on behalf of the rest of the chicken hawks. Isn’t anyone else weary of the lame Security Mom bit? Does anyone find a rational argument, an informed opinion, or war-worn voice of experience in any of their rhetoric? All I hear is a bunch of smarmy cocksuckers labeling restraint as cowardice and dissent as treason. They talk a tough game and too often they take it too far. But how far can they actually defend it? If you have ever had experience with some jerk calling you out, then you know that there’s only one way to deal with people like that—you have to beat the shit out of them.
Face it. Jerks come in every shape, size, race, and gender. And if Jean Schmidt had been a man, John Murtha would have knocked him out right there. Nobody would have blamed him. Nobody. Hell, he probably would have had backup.
What do you think would happen if Tom Delay (R-TX) called Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) a slut on the floor of Congress? Gee, I would hope that at least one of our dudes would take a stand—bring him a Sunday punch for breakfast, so to speak. Ladies, we too have our limits of what we are willing to tolerate so I’m asking you to stand up for John Murtha. Tammy Baldwin (D-WI) should throw Schmidt a shoulder or knock her books out of her hands in the hallway. Marcy Kaptur (D-OH) could give her the ole’ throat-cutter hand motion while she’s talking or Jan Schakowsky (D-IL) could mouth the words “I’m gonna fuck you up, bitch” from across the room. Whether it’s Schmidt, Katherine Harris (R-FL), or whoever, such smack-talking should give rise to a slow advance on the podium, fists crushing into palms. Then finally if she doesn’t shut it, somebody should smack her upside the head. Open hand or closed hand. Dealer’s choice.
Look, countries more civilized than ours have out-and-out brawls in their governments. Have you ever seen those news clips from foreign news services of what appears to be parliamentary peoples knocking over chairs and shit? So why can’t we have some of that? Isn’t this America? If Congress was as entertaining as pro-wrestling, Americans might give a shit about what happens there. Below, you will find the phone and fax numbers of some righteous babes of the U.S. House of Representatives. Call your rep and send a clear message: Bum Rush the Bitch. When they lay out an ignorant smear attack on the men folk, they are also attacking you. When they take it too far and think they won’t get their ass kicked, stand up for Democratic men just as they would do for you. Stop letting those jerks call you out. Get ready to rumble.
Eleanor Holmes Norton
Sheila Jackson Lee
Stephanie Tubbs Jones
Copyright 2006, Heather Egland
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