From the Publisher
Geary Yonker is on vacation. In his absence, noted gold prospector and frontiersman Pontiac Askum has written this issue’s From the Publisher.
In May 2005, the Kansas Board of Education held hearings to discuss incorporating the theory of intelligent design into its curriculum. The conservative board wanted to give the proponents of intelligent design a forum to state their case. The theory basically states that even though life on this planet evolved through biological processes, it had the helping and guiding hand of a creator. Proponents of a strict Darwinist theory were also invited to the hearings but decided not to attend. Maybe it was because they, like all scientists, know that all scientific theories are just that: theories. Science never claims that its theories are indeed facts. Those scientists. What have they ever proven?
Well I believe in a different theory of how this great land was created. I believe in a creator.
I believe that you can see his fingerprints all across this great land. His works and teachings are the very backbone of what this nation means to me and what it means to be an American.
That creator is Paul Bunyan.
The great creator Paul Bunyan formed this land with his very hands from Puget Sound to the Great Lakes. The fruits of his handiwork can be seen from sea to shining sea. He created the Grand Canyon by dragging a pickaxe behind him. He dug the Mississippi River and piled the earth he dug into the Rocky Mountains. He dug the 10,000 lakes of Minnesota and piled that earth into the Black Hills of South Dakota. He did a lot of digging and piling. He cleared this land of most of its pesky trees and he ate a lot of pancakes. How can you deny the existence of Paul Bunyan when you see such majestic sights?
Then one day Paul happened upon a giant blue ox that he named Babe. Babe would come to be seated at the right hand of Paul. Babe aided Paul in the creation of this great land we love. Babe is the reason why the sky is blue: We are seeing the underside of a giant blue ox. The sun is his magically rejuvenating genitalia: Every night he is castrated and every morning his testicles grow back.
I thank Paul every day for this great land he created and I thank Babe for each morning’s rising sun.
I applaud the Kansas Board of Education for not buying all of this science. If scientists can’t prove their theories are facts then theories like my own should also be taught in the schools in Kansas.
I’m e-mailing them all of my ideas about how this world was created and you should too. Here’s a link with all of their e-mail addresses: Kansas Board of Education.
I hear they’re really open to new ideas.
Now stay away from my claim.
Copyright 2005, Pontiac Askum
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