The level of discourse in the country has reached a crossroads. Television, mass media consolidation, video games, the ridiculous public stammerings and grunts that pass as declarations from our president, broken homes, emoticons, lack of funding in public schools, the NBA, the Justice Department, Jessica Simpson’s homely little sister lip-synching on Saturday Night Live—all, to varying degrees, are working toward the same goal. The destruction of imagination, thought, meaning, intelligence, and individuality in communication.
We’ve been fighting this, some of us, in our own small ways. But how do you combat the combined might of television, George Bush, and Jessica Simpson’s sister? The plain, Texas truth of the matter is, you don’t. You give up.
So, in a conciliatory gesture to these forces, and as a service to our readers, we have decided to make available for public use:
What a perfect shortcut to having to think for yourself. What a lovely way to conform and communicate with a minimum amount of effort and imagination.
We hope you find these letters useful and delicious.
Form Letter of Resignation
Form Love Letter
Form Letter Explaining You Only Like Someone as a Friend
Form Dear John Letter
Form Letter to Santa
Form Letter of General Apology
Form Suicide Letter
Form Letter from Beyond the Grave
Form Letter Requesting Asylum
Form Letter to the Editor
Form Letter to the Reader
Form Letter from You (the Reader) to Us
Form Letter Responding to the Reader’s Form Letter to Us
Copyright 2005, Heather Egland and Matt McCarthy
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.