Flake

In This Issue

My Path to the Mountain

When the mountain came into view, I was struck dumb. Not speechless—I continued to talk—but struck dumb in the sense I was stupid with fear. It was the fear of the man from the plains encountering the heart-attack seriousness of extreme grades for the first time. By Joe Martinez

The More Dangerous Game

Part Three of Three

His left leg was his focus now. The day before Melissa had, true to herword, put a crossbow bolt through it. By Steve Spaulding

Adventures in Homesteading

After an unnecessarily long lecture about the importance of not wearing open-toed shoes whilst smashing up floors, and a discussion of the importance of togetherness and the benefits of character-building, contrasted briefly with nation-building, Tom and I installed a floating engineered floor in light maple…four times. By Denise Pace

Would You Care for a Rolo, My Sweet Marlene?

This is what this flaky-ass country of ours has devolved into. Twenty-eight large for a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that a bunch of Elmers insist has some broad's face on it. By Patrick Russell

Gehenna

This is what they did to him, to the old man, after a lifetime spent in quiet contemplation among books of eschatology… By Kevin P. Keating

Form Letters

What a perfect shortcut to having to think for yourself. What a lovely way to conform and communicate with a minimum amount of effort and imagination. By Heather Egland and Matt McCarthy

House-Hunting Horrors

From Spooky Churches to Unholy Crap-Shacks

Remember the “Redrum! Redrum!” scene from The Shining? Well, picture a bathroom door covered top to bottom, side to side, with “Bad Cop! Bad Cop! Bad Cop!” By Carter O’Brien

Verbal Assault Vehicle: Fat Wives Club

First off you do not have to be fat to be in the Fat Wives Club. Fat is a state of mind more than anything else. By Carella Ross

Destroying the “Liberal Elite” and Defending the Common Man

If the Democratic Party could frame abortion, gay marriage, and guncontrol as states’ rights issues then it could focus on where it is thestrongest: issues of labor and the social safety net. By Geary Yonker

Departments

From the Publisher

Dogcatcher

Speaking from one of the bluest of the blue states we say to Democrats in red states: Start from the ground up. Run for goddamn dogcatcher. Even the dogcatcher has a sphere of influence. By Geary Yonker

Spotlight Site

Oil See You in Hell

There is not single aspect of modern life that is not dependent in one way or another on oil. And the time is coming, soon, at which oil production is going to go from increasing to decreasing. By Henry Kastler

Activism

Buy Blue or Be Blue

If you bought Christmas cards from Hallmark this holiday season, yousupported a company that gave 92% of its political contributions toRepublicans. By Matt McCarthy

Sounds

Box on His Back

Monkey Knife Fight

We interrupt this earphone broadcast (“Wait. Let me finish!”) to bring you the latest track by Monkey Knife Fight, taped during a late-night experiment in the Monkey Cave. Listen for the moment we hit the universal frequency of all wireless headset technology and flip the world on its ass.

Carter O’Brien, guitar
Mike Overmier, guitar
Geary Yonker, bass
Ryan Norsworthy, drums

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