In This Issue

The Mysterious McMonster

McDonald's explained that Grimace originally was a character bent on stealing milkshakes from children. How could McDonald's be in league with such a monster?! By Carter O’Brien

Monsters of Metal

Ozzfest, 8/21/04,Tweeter Center, Tinley Park, Ill.

Good gravy, is there any tune they've written that even kinda sucks? HELL NO!!! They are the masters of metal and they prove it. By Seamus Graham

The Monsters Under My Bed

I don't think I know anyone that believes in monsters. I'm pretty sure most people do not know the two biggest fears that kept me awake at night as a child. By Chris Slankard

Scary Meals

A Review of Fast Food Nation

Nightmarish environments that are hazardous to work in are also unsanitary conditions unfit for the preparation of massive volumes of food. By Al DeReu

Schoolgirl and the Try-Hard

Don't worry sweetie. It's nothing a Loratab and some Botox won't fix. By Carella Ross

The More Dangerous Game

Part Two of Three

The thriller that began in Issue 16 continues… By Steve Spaulding

Fears, Sneers, Electioneers, and the Giant Rat of Sumatra

The Great Mole Rat could serve a good function as a suitably cartoonish image for big ol' goofy-ass runaway fears, couldn't it? The ones we just can't seem to get rid of, and which we therefore love so much. By Patrick Russell

France: The Land That Dentistry Forgot

Now putting a lie to the theory that it is really cheap to travel around Europe, it cost me €160 for a return train ticket. I blanched when the ticket agent told me the amount, but I reassured myself that this is what road trips are all about: commitment to the cause. By Ptolemy Patrick


Torches and Pitchforks

The Price of Being Wrong

From the Publisher

Dick, Don, and the rest of the boys down at the American Enterprise Institute had this theory. Their theory was about how to make the Middle East, in particular the Persian Gulf, a more stable region. By Geary Yonker

Letters to the Editor

Clearly you are some variety of chimpanzee or very large, clever monkey who, when put behind a keyboard, managed to randomly bang out this absurd, primitive message.

Is Banning Landmines Sexy?

Only If the Unmaimed Get You Off


Oh, fair artillery! Oh, sultry fire bomb! Oh, coquettish anti-aircraft missile! Oh, luscious landmine… wait a minute… landmine? By Denise Pace

Atari Porn and Lousy Halloween Costumes

Spotlight Site

Retrocrush is put together by a nostalgia enthusiast named Robert Berry who enjoys rubbing the noses of us Generation Xers in the cultural slop that framed our childhoods. By Carter O’Brien

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