Stuck on Stuck Girls
Synopsis: Young women, oftentimes blonde and scantily clad, get their cars stuck. That’s it. Yet CarStuckGirls won both the Webby and the People’s Choice Award in the “weird” category in 2004.
So what the hell is it?
I perused the site because, well, frankly I really don’t understand the appeal. I mean, there’s no nudity. The cars aren’t interesting, unless you dig old Audis or BMWs. No one ever gets their car un-stuck. There are no brawny lumberjacks or horny rednecks who come by and help out the li’l ladies. Sometimes they get out and try to push, but they hardly ever fall in the mud. Sometimes they stomp on the gas and spew out lots of fumes and kick up dust and whatnot, which is at least a little more interesting. But mostly they’re just stuck and stupid, sitting in a vehicle and looking around. What would call The People to award this site a Webby? Is this a variation on snuffing, what with the occasional shoe shots and the gas stomping and the whatall? Is that it? To uncover the secrets of CarStuckGirls, I perused with greater vigor…
Aha! Here we go. The secret appears to be TWO girls stuck. A brunette wearing a panty-sized skirt and lace-up heels appears to have gotten her Beemer stuck in the mud. She gets out, bending over to look under the hood, to see if maybe that’s why she’s stuck in the mud, but apparently that is not the cause. Next, she revs the motor some, which only serves to really sink the car into the mud.
Fortunately, a lithe, tan blonde, in what turns out to be a rather ubiquitous ancient white Audi, pulls up behind her. Wearing stiletto heels, the blonde braves the mud to settle into the Beemer and, in a startling turn of events that would make Yogi Berra proud, she stomps on the gas until the poor car is practically buried under mud. She even tries it barefoot, but all she gains is dirty, dirty feet. Alas.
But our gals do not give up. Of all the kinds of girls they are, they are not quitters. Somehow, the blonde manages to maneuver the Audi around in front of the Beemer, where our heroines attempt, with more gas-stomping, car-burying antics, to tow the Beemer out of the mud. You’ll never guess what happens—now they’re both stuck! Well, to make a long story short, they end up mud wrestling.
If you’re like me, you’re exhausted and intrigued. You want to know more about these damsels of derring-do, so let’s head over to the Models section. I am greatly relieved to find they are called Models, and that neither actual women nor their shoes were trapped in such messy, harrowing situations. On account of you know how women love their shoes. Hoo. Boy. So we have four Models:
Alena, who is new, is 5’10”, 121 lbs, and has a very respectable size 9 shoe. Her hobbies are dancing. Don’t ask me what that sentence means.
Melanie is 5’7”, 136 lbs, and also wears a size 9 shoe. She likes to travel and party, but doesn’t know her dress size.
Tina is 5’4”, 99lbs, wears a size 7 shoe and an extra small dress. She enjoys computer games. Rock on, Tina!
And last we have 5’3”, 96-lb Michelle, who likes to shop and party with her tiny little size 5 feet. Michelle bares her soul to us with the story of her First Car Stuck. She was barely 18 when it happened. She says, “My first car was a Volkswagen Golf II (front wheel drive) with 75 PS/HP and only with summer tires.” It happened when she drove her friend Diana home in the winter. Diana, who “liked to make all men crazy with her sexy kind,” and got her tan from the “sun bank,” didn’t know what to do when Michelle’s car said, “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” in the snow in Diana’s driveway, because Diana didn’t have a driver’s license. When this happened, they performed all the proscribed CarStuckGirls rites: the pushing, the revving, the looking out the window and saying things like, “What a holy shit!” and “Great! I am stuck here and my boyfriend lies at home in bed and waits!” and “Don’t stop…Please, continue…Yes, c’mon!” They even tried changing shoes, hoping that would help, but none of Diana’s shoes would fit Michelle’s tiny little nubs. Finally, after all the clothes-changing and the yelling and the pushing, Michelle performed something called “remaining with the turning maneuver,” suddenly felt “jubilant internally”, and they were free. She reports she is very careful now, but can’t help it when she feels tires slipping in the snow. It gives her a funny exciting feeling.
Thanks, Michelle. That took a lot of courage.
The rest of the site is devoted to ordering videos, and questions related to ordering videos, all of which bores me. So, as an additional resource, I consulted plain old CarStuck, run by Sir Stuck-a-Lot, who welcomes us thusly:
Welcome to the gathering place for people who like to see cars get helplessly stuck, bogged, mired or trapped in gooey mud, thick muck, slippery clay, deep snow, soft sand, or slick ice! My preference is for big, powerful, rear-wheel-drive cars that are stuck in slick mud. I like to see the driver struggle to get her car free, to no avail. I have my own big, powerful, rear-wheel-drive car that I like to get stuck in the mud, too. When it snows, I can't get up hills, and I get stuck in icy parking lots or by the curb. Some people like sand, gravel, trucks, buses, whatever, but we all share one thing: we want to see those wheels get stuck!
Right-ee-o, big guy. Since he offered up the opportunity to click on any thumbnail to see a full size picture of stuck vehicles, I decided to humor the guy. Now, while he uses the feminine pronoun above, there were mostly no people. It’s just a bunch of largely gender-free stuck vehicles: cars, busses, military vehicles, farm equipment. Motorcycles were notably absent, which is odd, because I’d think a woman wearing go-go boots, a napkin, and a swimsuit top would be pretty hot stuck in the mud on a motorcycle. Instead, I witnessed the shame of a formerly donutting Camaro stuck in someone’s backyard; a capped Chevy pickup, white no less, spinning its wheels on the side of an autumnal road; and a Ryder truck being helped out of an embarrassingly small rut at what appears to be the last day of a bikers’ picnic. There was also a drawing of a blonde in a red Camaro that said “WWWWWRRRRRLLLLLL” in the mud, and a photo of two shirtless guys looking at the tires of their Jeep stuck in the mud, presumably on the verge of wrestling. But that’s all it is. Those wheels is stuck alright.
Now, I was curious about Sir Stuck-a-Lot’s statement concerning “some people”, since that implied more than one, and I wondered who these legions were. There was a link to a site that offered a lot of clarity to this whole car stuck thing. StuckWorld offers this poll to its readership:
What mood do you like to see a stuck girl in?
- Worried and helpless, crying or near crying
- Angry, yelling at the car, you, herself, passengers
- No real emotion, casual
- Laughing, finding amusement at her situation
Ah, now I am starting to understand what’s going on here.
The results, as of 5/11/2004, out of 66 votes, were thus:
Further insight into the taste of the fans of stuck cars can be ascertained via a quick look at their weblinks, using the categorizations, grammar, and spelling offered by StuckWorld:
- Dedicated Stuck Sites: 4
- WAM (Wet and Messy) Sites: 1 (Abused Shoes: Sexy women who abuse their sexy shoes and each other)
- General Sites, unrelated to stuck material but of general interest: 0
- Pedal Pumping Sites: 18
- Damsell in Destress Sites: 5 (my favorite is pp-asuka: Here a page arises for friends the foot erotic.)
- Foot Fetish Sites: 8
- Other Fetish Sites: 3 (Of course I looked. We have Mistress Jessica, Thighboots.com, and White Socks)
Finally, a brief look at the site’s calendar. While it revealed surprisingly few social engagements, there were quite a few birthdays posted, ranging from sirstuck’s 50th birthday to young cannyeri’s 20th birthday. Just for fun, I calculated the average age of all twelve people: 34.5. Granted, the lone 24-year-old female pulled the average down, but still and all. I believe I am safe in concluding that the average viewer of the stuck car sites is a big geek, has a foot fetish, and is in all likelihood one of my friends.