Thousands of years ago in the Emerald Isle a wily Celt with a load of beer bellowed out, "If ye'kin cart this barrel o' brew o'er the hill into town, then ye'kin drink from it t'yer belly's full!"
And thus was Carter born.
A provider of brute labor and transporter of goods in earlier ages who was left jobless and penniless by the industrial age and further rendered obsolete by the information revolution, Carter O'Brien has come into his own as a bona-fide crank journalist, a junior historian, an aspiring musician, and not lastly a jack-of-all-trades in his employment as a senior administrative assistant at the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago.
He can often be spotted mouthing various obscenities at motorists failing to use turn signals and/or doddering about Chicago and clogging its arterial streets, and likewise at rollerbladers using the bike path during rush hour. He commands a kingly online presence in the form of "Django Durango," surfing the web with the grace of an extraterrestrial cyberoptic manta ray from music and conspiracy theory chat boards to the world's funkiest black market bazaar, eBay.
An IPO of the gene map of this unique individual— noteworthy foremost in history for his legendary defeat of the Devil, a.k.a. Satan, a.k.a. Beelzebub, a.k.a. Lucifer in a risky game of chance circa the turn of the century—will be forthcoming. Watch your Yahoo ticker for "FREK", with spin-off subsidiaries under "CRNK" and "LOON" (and don't listen to hucksters who try to pawn off shares of "DRNK" as the real McCoy).A bargain at twice the price, Carter marches on!
Copyright©2002 by Carter O'Brien.
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